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| I got this. |
I've been struggling with a lot of things this past week. I've lost hope in something I was holding on to. Something I was pretty sure would be the part of the puzzle. Regardless I had to finally let go of that hope and in a way closed off a part of myself I had just gotten use to. With this comes strength and the longer I am down, the stronger I come back fighting and it had been a good week of complete sadness that I let engulf me. Waking up one morning and waiting for the right time to call someone for help because I couldn't do it anymore is a horrible feeling. I am just glad that I was able to ask for help (and he could understand me through the hysterical tears and unable to breathe moments).
This weekend I was going to do all that I could to try to pull past the feeling I have been carrying with me and for the most part I did okay. Being home, where I grew up, is always bittersweet. I look around and get angry at myself for all that I took for granted as a kid growing up in the mountains. For all the times I called my brother a hick for never leaving. For all the thousands and thousands of time of driving to and from my home between two snow covered mountains and rolling hills and trees so tall you can't even see the tips. For forgetting how amazing the smell of sun warmed pine needles and the sound of the wind as it circles through the trees.
The ride was a beautiful one as I finally found the meadow I use to play in as a little girl.
Afterward we went to my dad's house and I got to play with some of his guns.
When we got back to the motel we took a nap and then went for a nice walk.
Monday Tabitha and I logged 2.5 miles. I'm not sure if it was the bike ride or the stress I have been under, but I got sick on Sunday and I wasn't sure how much running I would be able to do. I didn't really do too much on Monday, but I did take the hills like a beast.
Hopefully, things will get better and I can get back on track.
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